As I sit here tonight, on my comfy couch, adorned with my favorite blankets, my colorful pillows, a book that my nose was buried in all day today, a functional cellular telephone to my right, and a laptop WITH internet that just decided to turn on after two days of malfunctioning - I can't help but think about how incredibly lucky I am. I always have, in the back of my head, the things I wish were better in my life; the things that would make me a happier person if only this was 'fixed' or that was 'fixed'. The back of my mind is never really, truly focused on everything that I should be thankful for, and when I think about that - I can't help but realize how selfish of a person I am.
The air I breathe, the roof over my head, the food in my kitchen, running water, a job to pay for it all; a bed to sleep in, and the couch I usually choose instead; enough clothes in my room to clothe fifty people, and more than one pair of clean socks for every day of the week.
A roommate who, though sometimes we have two very separate worlds and don't always see eye-to-eye, respects me as I respect her (not to mention the mass amounts of love and patience that is undeniably there :)
My family, three beautiful sisters who are constantly there despite my inability to be with them physically on a day to day basis; my parents, both step and biological - being my backbone even when they disagree with me.
My best friends. You guys know who you are ... through the ins and outs of my life, you are always constant, always there to pull me through every situation, and you give me more reasons to be proud of who I am because you trust and love me - I don't think that you could possibly give me more than that.
My love, even when it isn't everything we want it to be, it's still more than enough - still enough to be overjoyed with at the end of every day. When I look back at everything, the steps we've taken - the "bad ideas," the warnings, the giving in, the fears, the doubts, the leaps of faith, the long nights of loneliness, as well as the long nights of aimless conversation and happiness; the frustrating stretches of time and miles between, the crazy rush of 'hello's and the hopeful, teary-eyed 'good-bye's. Every minute worth it, and every minute being one I've never regretted or wanted back. Finally feeling something real, and being ready to do everything I can to hold onto it.
Of course, there are many, many more things in my life aside from these that I am thankful for - but for now, they are what drive me to do better, what drive me to continually try to better myself... not to mention what they do to the quality of my life. 2011 has been a bumpy year - though not nearly as bumpy as some of the past, it's had a lot to it in a very short amount of time. People coming and going, growing into an adult, losing very dear friends, celebrating their lives with others to make it bearable. But over all else, this year I have learned the greatest lesson, and it's one that will go to the grave with me - I learned to trust not only myself, but my self-worth. This year I have learned that to get what you want in life, you need to commit, trust that you are making the right decision for yourself, and go. You are never less of a person than anyone else around you, and you have so much to offer this world. 2012 is the year I am going to take that knowledge, and put it to good use.
So, after all of this, my hope for the year of 2012 is to be more thankful for what I have been given on a regular basis, and to not lose sight of what is really important in my life. I also want to learn to let go of things I can't control and have patience as pieces fall into place. This year is going to be a year of drastic changes for me, and I want to try and be sure that I go into it with a level-head, confidence, and trust.
This is going to be my year to shine - no holding back.
Happy New Years, Everyone. :)
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